I gotta say I was never expecting the new follows after my last post. Though definitely welcome, I need the company. That being said, I finally got a painting done that I had been working on for over a year. The thing of it is that I wouldn’t paint on it unless I was feeling an extreme emotion. Could be positive or negative. As you can see this past year, has been a myriad of emotion. I worked from the middle out so the corners are the most recent emotions painted. I plan on doing more of these though, probably not waiting until the extreme emotions as it is exhausting and when I look at it now I relive the memories that made this painting happen. I am proud of it, yet saddened that this past year has been such a roller coaster. I’ve always found peace in painting and in particular mandalas as they help me focus my thoughts and emotions into one thing.
One a separate note, things are slowly getting better for us. While we aren’t at 100% I think we are on the right path. I see my counselor for my second visit tomorrow. Still nervous about seeing him as I start this part of my journey of healing. Trying to fight my demons every day. I gave in to them on Monday and have been hating myself ever since. Don’t know what to do outside of just keep trying to be better… I’m already reaching out for help, just need the help to grab hold of me. Like Artax in the Swamp of Sadness, I need Atreyu to pull harder to get me the hell out. If you don’t know those references we can’t be friends.
I’ll just keep on plugging along in the hopes that things will continue on this upward path on the emotion spectrum.