Well it’s been awhile since I posted and to explain the silence you should know I’ve been doing a great deal of thinking. The broad strokes of my life have landed me with a great life. Which is far better than I was say a decade or so ago. That aside I need to be completely honest. I haven’t been honest with you.
I’ve tried, and some people already know this. These are the people I know I can trust. So I’ve decided to do what was previously unthinkable. On the summer solstice of Pride month I will admit the thing I haven’t admitted openly before. So here’s the truth.
Now I know some of you are thinking “well duh!”, but others of you are probably going “what?!”. So let me be clear on this, this is not new. I’ve been this way since time out of mind. Long before I was ever married or had a kid. Long before I graduated high school (bet that makes some of my readers uncomfortable since I went to PE with them). FEAR NOT! I was far too uncomfortable in the locker room to even THINK about stuff like that. That and it stunk in there…. I digress, for some of my close friends this is not news. I’ve been hinting at it for a VERY long time.
If you’ve made it this far, I’m supposing you’re wondering why hide it at all? As is the case for many people in my situation, the answer is family. I grew up in the Northwest Bible Belt. It’s not exactly looked kindly upon, though I must say it’s gotten a lot more accepting than it was before. My family on the other hand has not. And I do not foresee that ever changing. I cannot hold conversations with my father that don’t make me feel like I’m scum that needs to be examined for proof of intelligence. My mom…she doesn’t have an opinion. Her opinion is essentially whatever my Dad’s is on pretty much most everything. Very rarely does she ever stick up for something. Obviously, my parental units do not know. My current in-laws don’t know, they might now if they are reading this (Hi Howard and Janet). My ex-in laws don’t know, Marlene might be reading this now (HI!). My brother and sister in-law do not know. this. Literally the only people in my family that know about this is my husband, my son, and my sister from a different mister; Lauren (I was drunk and blabbed it under the influence of tequila).
I’ve come to the point in my life that I need to be honest with myself, and honest with y’all. I don’t like hiding this part of me. So if you see me randomly post a picture of J. Law it might be because I find her attractive. It might be because I think she’s a great actress. Who knows? Let me be clear about one thing, this changes nothing with regard to my relationship with my husband. He has known this since day 1 of our relationship. No, I am not seeking a female to have a relationship with. I am a monogamous woman and will remain as such. I love my husband to the moon and back. For many people this is a non-issue. But for some, its a big issue. And unfortunately one that will cause me to lose friends, and potentially strengthen bonds with others. My proverbial “coming out of the closet” is a double edged sword. I risk losing friends and family, but if I am not honest with myself, then who can I be honest with?
Let’s be real here though, this doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t suddenly mean I was hitting on you. It doesn’t suddenly mean I have a secret agenda to get in your pants. It just means that I have no particular preference as both men and woman are equally attractive to me. And if for some reason you can’t find your way to accepting me for who and what I am, well let me show you a special place I have for you.